self administered torture

ok, so yesterday was fun
i went to an amusement park with some friends

the guy i have a major crush on was there too.
so was his girlfriend

anyway
he doesn't do well in spinning rides so he and i sat this one game out
and waited for the others to be over with it.

we sat together holding all the crap that might have fallen off the ride

as we sat, this mother walked with her toddler by the hand

he was barely learning how to walk
and looked like a drunken business man in a crazy Christmas Party.
any way.
she stood him infront of a poster displaying the Park's mascots so she could take a picture.
he didn't seem too interested and started walking away
i laughed
he laughed
the mother laughed
and the kid just kept on walking.
his mom chased him and placed him back in front of the poster.
after a few tries she finally succeeded and i shared a smile with her and her toddler
he kept glancing our way
i think because we were holding a bunch of stuffed animals.

they hung around the area for quite a while.
i couldn't stop looking at him
he was an adorable little critter ^_^
he kept trying to make conversation
and i responded half paying attention
after a while he gave up i guess
and i kept quiet just thinking

this was a bad idea.
thinking
thinking always makes me sad
i kept thinking about that little boy.
i never saw his dad there, but his mom mentioned him a few times while taking the picture

i wanted my kids to be like that one.

but ofcourse
the probability f me having progeny is pretty much zilch
and i couldn't stop thinking about that one little problem that will detain me from passing on my fucked up genetic material to a little version of a human that could call me dad

ok here i go again, i just can't help it.
i gotta stop before i